Response to James, Stacey, and Kim

The following is a response to a blog posted last fall by James Kirkham, fiance at the time of the event, now husband of Stacey, the accuser. Kim is James' mother. This response was posted to James' blog, however was removed from the site.

James, Stacey, and Kim,

I received your blog via email today. After reading your posts, I am compelled to respond. Just as you wrote, this is for healing, growth and the offering of perspective.

Kim,

Our family support is not to “enable” Seth in “his denial “, rather, it is to seek understanding, strength and courage to find reason in our doubt of the event as described, the “justice” in the criminal justice system, and the ongoing impact on Seth and the family. As a mother, you have every right to support your family…as do I. Rest assured that Seth is taking responsibility, reviewing the choices he has made, and knows the support he has from friends, family, and even those who were complete strangers to him before this event.

Stacey,

I do not doubt that this has been a tragic ordeal in your life. You and James have been able to continue building your lives together, and for that I am grateful.

In your pursuit of justice and quotes of rape statistics, please remember there are also statistics out there that speak about women who accuse men of rape. Many never get their day in court; many have multiple accusations throughout their lives, many have other reasons they accuse for. I am not saying this is you; they are merely the given statistics.

You chose the path of integrity as you see it. I am choosing the path of integrity that I can see given the information and evidence I have received as I have progressed through this ordeal. I grieve that there are so many discrepancies and such differing points of view. Only two people know the truth, and theirs are far apart.

James,

These also are my own thoughts, recollections and observations and are intended for growth and healing. You are a fine young man and the only choice you could make was to support your fiancé/wife. I understand that. My hope is that you can understand my only choice is to support my son as I travel this journey. This will not be my last time to focus my energy on this subject. As our family moves forward, we are strengthened in pursuit of truth and the knowledge that Seth is accepting his path and doing as well as possible as one can in locked behind razor wires and metal bars in prison. Haunted nights, absolutely….for all of us.

You state that Seth had been a bit of a recluse. Have you ever wondered why he chose to withdraw from the drinking parties so common in your group of friends and focus on his new found best friend, Russell, his chocolate lab and now my new friend and companion? As he stated in the trial, all he really wanted to do was stay home after a long day’s work, walk and play with his dog, and go to bed before the New Year came. He had turned down 2 other invites for New Year celebrating. However, he caved to the many phone calls to come to this party. You know the power of this group of friends.

Questions: When you were awakened by Seth, and then struck by his comment, why did you shrug it off? If you thought he was so drunk and truly capable of following through on such a comment, why didn’t you call a cab to send him home so that he couldn’t harm anyone? Why did you leave Stacey behind and go downstairs, if you truly felt anyone was in danger of Seth, and why didn’t you check on Stacey to make sure she was safe? Do you really think Seth was capable of intending to rape anyone, let alone, Stacey, the woman you left alone with Seth previously countless times, even to go so far as to trust him to give her a 5 hour ride from New York to Canada?

I lucidly remember a time when I myself was awakened by a loud yelling early in the morning between you and Seth after the guys came out to my house after a night of drinking. Seth was trying to get you to stay and not drive home because you were drunk. He was taking care of his best friend. I ended up taking your keys so that you would not harm yourself or anyone else.

Grand Jury…rape charge…forensic evidence results not yet received, police report allowed to be amended. Sure it only took a few minutes. She said it was rape. He said he did not remember. The jurors were presented with a very narrow view of the situation.

Forensic evidence results finally in: No DNA found. No evidence of force. No bruising. Nothing collaborating penetration. This presents a very reasonable doubt to the story as told up to now.

The charges: I was continually told by other attorneys, police from other jurisdictions, private investigators that if this had happened in another county, things would be totally different. Politics and power is the name of the game. He would probably have to face some charges in other counties; however not to the degree he was charged.

Trial: Yes, he was pitifully represented. It was all I could afford after taking out a second mortgage on my home. Many lines of questioning not pursued, many witnesses not called. Interestingly enough, Seth had daily support from people from many walks of life, and all different age groups, all stymied by the process and still they remain in staunch support of Seth.

Seth appearing hollow and soulless at the trial? We, his family, know it was fear and him trying to be strong for us.

Did Seth handle this poorly? Everything happens for a reason? An opportunity for reality check and growth? Forgiveness leads to healing. James, as you and Stacey pursue your spiritual growth, please study the laws of karma, what goes around, comes around. We are all living the results of choices made in the past. Think about your past choices…and how they might play out in your future.

Sentence: Prison for a mandatory 8 years, absolutely no time off for good behavior. This part is also very expensive. Each of us had to purchase additional phones to be able to talk with him (separate phones with his local area code otherwise it would average out to $20/phone call); airfare/hotel/car expenses to visit him; money on his account so he can have a pair of warm boots and be safe.

How does one pass the time? Reading…no library to check out books, so this is just another expense, though he has learned to love reading; Education… no internet available for long distance learning. He plays a lot of basketball and spends most of his time keeping to himself due to being lumped in with the true sex offenders who are pariahs, even in prison.

Seth’s daily uniform consists of denim shirts and jeans with an orange OSP logo on the left shirt pocket, right thigh and middle of the back…targets for the guard’s gun site.

Unfortunately, Seth’s sentence does not end after these 8 years; his is truly a life-long sentence. When he gets out, he looks forward to annually renewing his Sex Offender listing; he also looks forward to any neighborhood he moves to, having the entire neighborhood petition/rally against him being there. Lastly he looks forward to a life with no children, as he no longer wants to have children because he does not want to have to constantly explain himself or be looked down upon at PTA meetings or soccer games because of his “Sex Offender” status.

I find peace in knowing who Seth is today, his thoughts, his reflections, and his incredible strength throughout this past year; I think you, as someone who really knows him (your old best friend), would be proud of him. I feel some degree of hope for the future, knowing that some day our family will be reunited and be able to celebrate holidays, births, BBQs…our future together. To quote Mekhi…”I just want my Uncle to come home.”

I still hold there is reasonable doubt:
The comment from Stacy, “It wasn’t you” Consent thinking it was you? Invitation thinking it was you?
No forensic evidence that penetration even happened. No DNA, no blood, no pubic hair, no vaginal tears or bruising!
3 minutes of “excruciating pain?” What female allows painful penetration without stopping it, especially if she thought it was you?
Dr Julien’s testimony was especially key for me

A just sentence for Seth? Only God knows that truth.

I wish only the best for you and Stacey in the future.

Sarah, Proud to be Seth’s Mom